Have you ever given someone the apology you thought they were looking for, and you felt like it just wasn't good enough? Well first, we can't leave out the possibility that it just plain wasn't. Above all, apologies should be sincere. But sometimes, we just plain don't mean it. Sometimes, we are simply trying to be the "bigger person," and giving someone else what it seems they need. Whatever the situation, we all find ourselves having to deliver apologies, weather great or small, on a regular basis. In this blog, we are going to talk about the art of the apology.
6 Things to Consider When Apologizing:
First and foremost, we must consider our audience. We can all agree that everyone is different, and different people have different needs. If you've come to a place where you feel that you need to humbly apologize for something, the hope is that you are also humble enough to apologize in a way that might best work for the recipient of your apology. Do they want to see remorse? Would they like you to offer some kind of recompense or to make up for what you've done? Or would they like it direct, short, and to the point, with no extra words? Try some different apology methodology out on your loved ones, and see for yourself which ones get the best responses.
Secondly, we must consider the trespass. Be sure that your apology is appropriate for the wrong done. You wouldn't grovel and cry if you were apologizing for spilling someone's drink. That would just earn you a reputation for being dramatic. Likewise, you also would not give a simple, "Sorry bout that," or "I'm sorry, okay? Geesh!" For cheating on your spouse. The gravity and seriousness of the apology should match the gravity and seriousness of the error.
Third, consider the relationship. If you're apologizing to family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, and especially co-worker's or bosses, they should all look different, and be completely appropriate for the relationship.
Fourth, consider the mode of apology, and it's appropriateness. Don't apologize for something truly hurtful by text, don't call someone to apologize for having already taken too much of their time (you should be able to see the irony here), and do NOT show up in person to apologize to an ex that has filed a restraining order against you. There is a proper mode of apology for all situations. For many, you have options. But there are certainly times when some of these options are out of the question.
Fifth, don't consider these okay: Some things that you should never do when apologizing are to take it back by using the word "but" in the same sentence as the apology - Leave this word out completely. Also, shifting blame is a big no-no. It nulls the apology as much as your big "but" does. You cannot say, "I apologize for eating your burrito. You told me you weren't hungry, so you made it seem like you didn't want it." If you truly want to apologize for this, you can say, "I apologize for eating your burrito. I should've asked if you wanted it before just taking it." Lastly, any kind of low key shade is not okay. You can't apologize for misunderstanding someone while implying that it was because they're a terrible communicator. This just doesn't work.
The last thing I want you to remember while apologizing is to lower your expectations (or better yet, lose them all together). You are doing this out of love, yes? Love for others, love for God, and love for doing the right thing. If they don't immediately forgive you, or worse, they react negatively to your apology, it's got to be okay. You're apologizing to apologize. Not to be forgiven. Don't try and force someone else to react the way you think they should. Their reaction is their decision. Your decision was to apologize. Stand by it, regardless of the recipient's behavior.
The main message that You should receive from this blog is that apologies are not that simple. They are an act of love, even if you did the wrong thing to begin with. Your apology should be well thought out, loving, absolutely free, and above all, considerate.
Finally, I leave you with this. If you want to reap forgiveness, sow seeds of forgiveness. "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you" (Matt. 6:14, NIV).
by: Niki Winston
I was miserable and alone. Left to myself, I would have died
In my spirit, by way of my flesh, Because of the pain I that had inside.
You see--- It was in me.
In my lifetime I had been abandoned, neglected, and inexplicably rejected.
So as a result I felt lost, dispirited, calloused and dejected.
…And I didn’t know why…
Maybe I’ll get high…
The only thing worse than my actions, were the thoughts swirling around in my head.
Unspeakable, shameful, perversion. It was in deep waters I was beginning to tread.
So I went through my life, heading nowhere,
When from out of the deep the Lord called me and said,
I’ve made you something.
There was a seed of unworthiness that was grounded deep within me,
It had been watered, fertilized, and babied, and had grown into a tree.
God showed me that unworthiness that I had embraced and held so close.
And I said, “God, if you’re going to treat this dis-ease, I don’t want just a pill.
I need the full dose.
Take it all! Take it now! Just do it quick, and let it be done!”
And He said,
For you, daughter, I’ve already done it. I washed you clean long ago with the blood of My Son.
You see, the blood is like your Norton Anti-Virus: No threats detected.
No longer at risk… No longer dejected.
Now… but this blood that was to be sacrificed, had to be perfect.
No… threats… detected…
It had to be clean, then it had to be shed,
then buried, then raised
And out of a sinless man, bled.
God saw that there was none worthy, so He knew He would have to send Himself.
To the Earth He came, as His own, beautiful Son, He gave.
Jesus, a man who knew no “self.”
Jesus came down from His elevation
To relieve a nation
Of its groaning and crying out for healing.
To make us His manifestation.
It is your job.
…And you …And you …And you…
To relieve, to heal, to save: His creation.
“But how can I do that God? Look at me. I’m a mess!
And You’re asking me to save YOUR creation?”
And He says to you:
MY son, MY daughter… I can see you… You’re perfect.
I have made you a new creation.
Be fresh, be new, be WHOLE, be clean.
Be all I called you to be. Be a sin-fighting machine.
When you see lack, you are the blessing
When you see pain, you are the love.
When they are wounded, you bring their healing.
Your anointing fits them like a glove.
There are so many broken-hearted, but you hold their healing even more.
You witness ignorance, provide them My Word.
Preach the gospel to the poor.
You see there’s no purpose? You give them direction.
You see, they are blind: You are their sight.
I sent My Word to heal their disconnection.
They are oppressed, you are liberty and light
I send you, not because of your perfection.
It’s not by knowledge, training or skill.
It’s with humility that you must lead an insurrection.
And I will provide the wisdom, the power, and the will.
I send you because I love THEM.
I give you success because I love THEM.
I need you because I LOVE THEM!
YOU WILL NOT FAIL BECAUSE I LOVE THEM!
And you will willingly answer My call,
Because I first loved YOU…
More than you can know…
I'm A Super Woman?
Who told you that you can’t do every single thing that you were placed on this Earth to do? Who told you that you weren’t worthy of greatness? That you weren’t smart, pretty, talented, or thin enough? Who lied to you?
Why Didn’t I Know I Was Super?
The Bible says that the devil is the father of all lies. The truth cannot be found in him. Conversely, God is the author of truth. He cannot tell a lie. This must mean that every thought, idea and word spoken over you that is not perfectly in line with what the Word of God says about you, only came from one place: The devil. That’s a powerful thought when you consider it, because if that’s true, then it means that a large percentage of our perception about ourselves originated from Satan himself.
So now we must ask our self, “How did it get there?” Was it from a seed that a well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) parent or authority figure placed there (perhaps discouraging us from pursuing our dreams, helping us not have to “face disappointment”)? Could it have been from reading worldly magazines that tell us our worth is found in outer beauty and sexiness, leaving us feeling “less-than” and unworthy of attention? Or perhaps it came from listening to music that sends all the wrong messages, yet we listen anyway because we “like the beat”? Gasp! No! It couldn’t be!
Regardless of where you found the seed, if it doesn’t agree with how God thinks of you, then it was planted by the devil and it MUST come out!
What Is My Super Power?
Let’s go back to the beginning. If you’ve ever read Genesis 1, you know that God created the entire universe and everything in it with ONLY His words. The devil is incapable of creating anything. He can only take what has already been done, then reuse and recycle it. In Genesis 1:27 and 2:7, it says that God created us in His image and likeness, and we are a speaking spirit, just like Him. We are his sons and daughters and have been created to operate in the same manner as He. You are a creative being, just like God! This automatically makes us more powerful than Satan, who can create nothing! Our mouth is our super power. Just like God created His world with His words, we create our world with our words.
How Do I Get My Super Power?
It is through Jesus that we become God’s children and obtain righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:17-19). Salvation is a free gift, which is like a key that unlocks all of the power and promises God has for us. There is nothing we can do to earn it, or to disqualify ourselves from it. It’s yours, and to receive it, you only need to believe.
So Now, How Do I Use It?
If you’re not getting what you want out of life, check your words: The power that is coming out of your mouth. Remember, you are a creative being, like God, so whenever you are speaking, you are creating, and what you are creating is your world. Those little thoughts you have, that you have let slip through the cracks, and then slip out of your mouth are attracting things to you. Prov. 30:32b tells us that if we think evil (Anything that sets itself against God’s word), to put our hand over our mouth. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T SPEAK YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS OUT LOUD! This is imperative in your life as a Super Woman! Proverbs 18:21 says that death and life are in the power of the tongue. It is with your words you create, and it is with your words that you destroy.
But So Far in life I Have Not Been So Super… What Do I Do?
Change the image! God gave you the power to change everything. Do you remember what it is? Yes! Your words! Matthew 15:13 says that every tree that was not planted by Father God, Himself, will be pulled up by the roots. So those seeds of unworthiness, that we all have, that were planted there by the devil have to go! Isn’t that good news? Even if they’ve grown into trees, they WILL be uprooted! Romans 12:2 says that if we want to fulfill God’s purpose, we MUST transform the image we have of ourselves. 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to cast down everything we can even IMAGINE that sets itself against God! Our thoughts, our words, our meditations: They’re all fertilization for the seeds that have been planted. We must begin to fertilize ONLY the seeds of the Word of God in our hearts (Luke 8:11).
So What Is My Next Super-Step?
1. Be a Super-Forgiver! Believe it or not, forgiveness is key. Unforgiveness will weigh you down, and keep you from ever being able to fully accomplish God’s purpose for your life. I recommend you make a list of everyone you could possibly think of that you even MAY need to forgive, and then begin working down your list. It is common to need the support of a friend in this process, but watch how much more Super you begin to feel as you begin to forgive. One of the main tools the devil uses to plant his seeds in you is people. He sends people along your path to do wrong to you, and hinder you from fulfilling your purpose. But remember, Jesus said that those trees WILL be uprooted.
2. Super thoughts! Change your thoughts. Most of the negative images you have came from those people that you just forgave anyway, so this part naturally (or Supernaturally) comes next in the process. Our thoughts are important and powerful because Matt. 12:34b tells us that that’s where our words (our creative power) come from. What’s in our heart in abundance will eventually come out of our mouths and shape our world. So we MUST get our thoughts right! We must CHOOSE our thoughts, don’t let them choose us, because they will eventually overtake us. Cast down those negative images, rebuke them in the name of Jesus, and refuse to think them anymore!
3. Use your Super power for good! You’ve always had this power. Now you know how to harness it. Speak the Word of God only over yourself, your situations and your surroundings. The best resource is the Word of God, but another good resource is our youth ministry website, www.GoHardforChrist.com. From the homepage, click on “More Stuff”, then Living Word, and you can find confessions for almost any topic. Also, from the website you can listen to any of Pastor David’s (my husband’s) podcasts for free! This is a great start to planting seeds for new, Super-powerful trees in your heart!
4. Fulfill your Super-Natural purpose! God placed that purpose in your heart. He knew what He needed you to do even before you were formed in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-16). It’s time for you to start following hard after that purpose, and doing the Super-important thing that you were created to do!
I just want to share stuff I've done, stuff I like, and stuff that can help make your life even better!
Did you miss Niki on WVON radio show with
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