Letting Him Off the Hook

You wouldn’t believe the number of complaints I get from women about their husbands, for being normal, faulted human beings. Many times we are willing to accept imperfections and faults, even sins, from our spouse, but not if they’re ones that we don’t identify with, ourselves.  

The philosophy might look like, “Of course my husband is not going to be perfect! I’m aware of that. He just can never lie to me.” Well, what if lying is the sin he struggles with? What if it’s the weakness he faces? You may think it’s okay to gossip and say negative things about other people, and would actually be just fine with him doing the same, but his lies are unacceptable? Is one sin greater than the next? This is a powerful concept, because it not only makes us take a look at ourselves, and our own ways, but it causes us to have to accept the very different faults of others.

It is biblical for us, as the body of Christ, to strengthen one another if we are weak or if we fall. I have had numerous women come to me about their husband’s lies. They are fed up and don’t want to deal with it anymore, but I ask, “have you considered the cause?” In the beginning of the marriage, what kind of consequences did they face when they mustered the courage to “fess up” to the truth? Were they punished for the truth, and then repeatedly punished until they were literally trained to lie? Or perhaps it was their childhood. When they got in trouble for doing the wrong thing, was the consequence abusive or unbearable for them? Now don’t misunderstand me. Lying is absolutely not okay, and this behavior should be corrected, but these are things that we should know about our significant other. If a lie keeps one safe, they are more likely to do it. The definition of this “safety” can be different for different people, based on their greatest emotional needs. Safety for one man is acceptance and approval. For another, it might be a peaceful home and family life. Each and every one of us are so different, but we need to be willing to understand and accept our differences, and continue to respect each other as men and women of God, despite our many flaws.

Lying is just one example of a flaw or weakness that you may not directly identify with, but I can promise you, there are many others, you may encounter throughout your marriage. To name a few, there’s also laziness, impatience, harshness (or rough speaking), the tendency to be late, overly critical, judgmental, a workaholic, and even not caring enough about his appearance can really irk some women. This is where the relationship and what is expected of you can get complicated. However, if you can catch the revelation of love, and master it, you can have a healthy, biblical, thriving marriage.

This is especially key for women, because we are awesome. Because of our awesomeness, we can tend to be a bit harder on our men. However, if you can use this God-given power of awesomeness to give you the strength to put the following principles into action, you will be able to respect your man appropriately and cover him with God’s perfect love.

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